


December 2005

by sammichgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Wincest - Freeform, post stanford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:31:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammichgirl/pseuds/sammichgirl
Summary: They're still adjusting to being on the road again together.  It's been just over a month since Jessica's death.





	December 2005

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2017 12DaysofWincestmas challenge, gifted to [deansmixtape](https://deansmixtape.tumblr.com/) who wanted to see how celebrating the holidays worked (or not) for Sam and Dean at various points in their lives.

After leaving Pennsylvania, Sam and Dean rode in shared anger and silence.  _Demons_.

They’d known about demons, they had just never had a hunt with one before.  John had always kept them at arm’s length from those types of cases, ensuring they knew just enough of the basics in case of emergency but never having to deal directly with them.

The brothers had tried several more times to reach their dad, with no luck.  Dean left voicemail after voicemail.  Sam texted and emailed.  No response, no acknowledgement, and no leads.  The resentment and irritation built within Sam, until he was ready to boil over.  Dean knew the warning signs in his little brother, and that kind of headspace combined with the still fresh grief over Jessica were a dark spiral he couldn’t let him follow down.

All Dean really wanted to do was hold him, truly reconnect with him.  He didn’t think they’d ever return to the place they were before Sam went to Stanford.  Sam had moved on, obviously.  And Dean was afraid to let Sam know he still hung the moon and stars by him. 

Driving was the only solace he had right now, so he turned up the music and let Baby stretch her legs.  They didn’t really have a destination, and with the adrenaline and frustration running through him, Dean felt he could drive all night. 

*****

Sam’s mind was a jumble of chaotic thought.  His dad, demons, Jessica, Stanford and law school.  The guilty thoughts about his visions that he hadn’t shared because they terrified him.  The guiltier thoughts the Woman in White had seen right through.  _Dean_.

His head hurt and his entire being felt flayed to the nerve.  He hadn’t been sleeping well, the nightmares kept coming and somehow, falling back into sync with his big brother on hunts came easy.  Too easy, it seemed.  He stared out into the dark night watching mile markers fly by, waiting for Dean to pull off the highway to a backwater town where a cheap motel and greasy food awaited. 

All Sam wanted was to lie down and sleep – truly sleep.  He didn’t think he’d ever rest easy again and he missed the days where he could just slide into Dean’s bed and cuddle for comfort.  The weight of Dean surrounding him, the scent of coffee, whiskey and that tang of sweat that was home and warmth and safety, they had always lulled him under, no matter the outside world.  The last time they’d had that was the night before Stanford.  Of course, it was also the last time they’d been intimate. 

It was too much to hope he could ever have that again – Dean had moved on.  And Sam was internally conflicted; grieving Jessica immensely, having loved her in his own way, and his constant churning thoughts of Dean.  His relationship with Jessica had never compared to his love for Dean though, and she’d always known he’d kept a part of himself reserved even if she never knew why.

*****

After six hours of nonstop driving, Dean was starting to feel drowsiness kick in.  He had turned the music over to a soft rock station when he noticed Sam fighting to keep his head straight up against the window.  He’d never admit to anyone that the entire reason Sammy loved falling asleep to such tunes is because he was trained into it from an early age, due to Dean’s own secret affinity for them.

Sam finally fell asleep to Air Supply’s _Chances_ , and when his soft snuffling could be heard, Dean pulled Sam over towards him, so Sam could lay along the front seat more comfortably.  Within minutes Sam readjusted himself as if on autopilot, reaching out a hand to tangle in Dean’s jacket while inching up to lay his head against Dean’s thigh.  Dean could feel warm breaths on his leg, and let his hand drift down to play through soft, silky, puppy curls while Sam mumbled nonsense before exhaling a soft and clear, “ _Dean_.”  Sam inched closer, wrapping one arm around his thigh while the other slipped under the jacket to fist into his t-shirt, fingertips brushing a sliver of bared skin.

Taking advantage of this moment of closeness gave Dean enough energy to keep driving rather than pull over.  He and Sam needed to talk, and they would.  Soon.  About dad, about Jessica, about them.  For now he just kept one eye on the road, the other on the most important person in his life.  In that instant, nothing could have made Dean a happier man.


End file.
